Tú, vous, Sie: when to use the formal 'you'
Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese and German all distinguish a formal and informal "you". When to use which, how to switch, and what changes from country to country.
· 3 min read
English lost its informal "thou" centuries ago, which leaves English speakers with one "you" for everyone. All five of the languages here still make a distinction between a familiar and a polite form of address, and choosing the wrong one is one of the small social puzzles of learning them.
The forms at a glance
| Language | Informal | Formal | Verb form used with the formal |
|---|---|---|---|
| Spanish | tú | usted | 3rd person singular (usted habla) |
| French | tu | vous | 2nd person plural (vous parlez) |
| Italian | tu | Lei | 3rd person singular (Lei parla) |
| Portuguese (Brazil) | você (sometimes tu) | o senhor / a senhora | 3rd person singular |
| Portuguese (Portugal) | tu | o senhor / a senhora, você | 3rd person singular |
| German | du | Sie | 3rd person plural (Sie sprechen) |
Notice that most formal forms borrow a "he/she/they" verb form. That's why formal Italian Lei looks like "she", and German Sie looks like "they", but with a capital letter.
The general rule
Across all five, the informal form is for friends, family, children, and people your own age in casual settings. The formal form is for strangers (especially older ones), people in professional roles, and situations where you'd be polite in English: a doctor's appointment, a bank, a hotel reception.
When in doubt, start formal. Being slightly too polite is rarely a problem; being too familiar can be. If the other person wants a more relaxed footing, they'll usually say so, or simply start using the informal form with you.
Language by language
Spanish. Usage varies a lot by country. In Spain, tú is widespread, even with many strangers, especially among younger people. In parts of Latin America, usted is used more widely, and in some places, such as Colombia, it can even be used between family members as a sign of respect or affection. Argentina, Uruguay and parts of Central America use vos instead of tú for the informal form, with its own verb endings.
French. Vous is the default with strangers and in most service situations, and French speakers tend to keep it longer than speakers of some other languages. Switching to tu is a meaningful step; you'll sometimes hear someone ask On se tutoie ? ("Shall we use tu?"). In shops, cafés and restaurants, vous is expected; there are more tips on that in ordering at a French café.
Italian. Lei is used with strangers and in formal situations, tu with friends. Italians often move to tu fairly quickly in relaxed settings. Writing Lei with a capital letter in formal letters is a traditional courtesy.
Portuguese. This is where the two main varieties differ most. In much of Brazil, você is simply the normal word for "you", and o senhor / a senhora are used for politeness and respect, for example with older people. In Portugal, tu is informal, and polite address often uses o senhor / a senhora or avoids the pronoun completely. Brazilian vs European Portuguese covers this in more detail.
German. Sie is standard with adults you don't know, at work and in shops. Moving to du is a recognised social step, often offered by the older or more senior person. Some workplaces, especially start-ups, use du by default, and du is normal among students and young people.
How to handle switching
- Mirror the other person. If they use the informal form with you, you can usually do the same.
- Ask when unsure. In French, On peut se tutoyer ?; in German, Können wir uns duzen?; in Spanish, ¿Nos tuteamos?
- Don't panic about mistakes. Learners get a lot of leeway. A wrong form is noticed, but it's rarely held against someone who's clearly learning.
Greetings come with their own etiquette, from handshakes to cheek kisses. See greetings across Europe for that side of things.